I've always wanted to know dead people

Not dead people as they are dead but dead people just before they died.

I realized there is no distinction between the people surrounding me and people just before their death, but its the suicides that really intrigue me.

Maybe to really kill yourself takes some sort of really deep insight. Maybe I could just... appear beforehand and catch a glimpse. Maybe I could make them mine, just for a few minutes.   I know its not true. Suicides have no insight they just have problems. But since I've never been around for someones death, I can always imagine.

Its the... noone is ever alone, even if they think they are. There is a someone who finds you amazing, but they're too shy to come out from the shadows. They're not creepy, they're just small.

Maybe theres no truth to what I am saying; as I am sure there isn't... But maybe a person before death with no previous knowledge would be as myself. Heisenburg and his cat. Make your own reality... that sort of thing.

Maybe I just feel unable to connect to living people -- maybe people on the verge of death might be willing to reach out, really reach out with no pretense and no boundaries.  

Or maybe I'm just wishing I would come out of the shadows as I sit alone in my life and try to keep out the dark thoughts.